Campaign Story

Hello and Welcome to my page! If you are here, I am hoping knowing a little bit of my story (below) and why I am fundraising might help speak to you! ANY gift is helpful, and you are so appreciated on my journey, AND in my story 🙂

One of my fondest memories of childhood was of my mother helping me and my siblings put together a picnic basket of cheeses and bread to take outside and play “Little House on the Prairie” after reading this book to us. I can remember her smile, her warmth, and how excited she was that we were excited. Unfortunately, there were not a lot of memories like this in my childhood.

Growing up was fairly hard, with conflict, friction, a father who struggled to show up in healthy ways (i.e. was abusive) and a mother who did her best, but also struggled in this situation. I did not have the best modeling of healthy childhood, or of parenting. After they divorced when I was 13, my mother went back to school, and then worked night shift and was not able to be very present. She also struggled with her own healing, and financial stress, following the divorce, and this influenced the rest of my childhood.

I remember somewhere in my teenage years making a pact with myself that I would never get married or have children, or if I did, I would never let them go through what I went through. I also never wanted to struggle like I saw my mother struggle-I wanted something very different for my life and any future children I might have. I started working at 14 or 15, and helped with what I could financially at home (paying for my own clothes, books, etc). I worked throughout high school, both at a job and academically, and ended up graduating Salutatorian with a scholarship to attend college.

I moved out soon after high school, and went to a college close by, while working full time to pay rent and other bills. I chose to pursue Psychology, partially because I fell in love with the subject, but mostly because I had an intense drive to make a change in the world where others could move away from experiencing a childhood like mine. I went on to graduate school after a short break to save some money for a master’s, and finished school with a Master’s in Childhood Development and Family studies, and a concentration in Marriage and Family Therapy. From there, I quickly started a job at a Clinic in Indiana working with individuals, children, couples and families. I worked hard to pay back my student loans and my own bills, but starting off in mental health definitely did not pay well at that time-especially after paying for school!

During this time, I dated, but like many women in their teenage years and young twenties with a background like mine, I seemed to attract men that were not exactly healthy for me. I was very careful not to become pregnant, and ended these relationships. The same teenage mantra always played in my head, that if I were to have a child it would only be if I could give them a “happy and healthy life” where connection and healthy family relationships could be modeled. And I stuck to it with every fiber of my being. I continued dating and looking for a partner, all while finishing school and trying to build my career, as well as building a good relationship with my family (mother and siblings), and an amazing community of friends that luckily for me, have become ”family”.

I wanted financial stability, and I thought working hard would get me there. I worked intensely to become one of the top therapists for the clinic I was working for, specializing in trauma, couples therapy, and family therapy. I then was asked to start supervising other therapists, and training others in couple’s therapy. Unfortunately, despite being one of the most highly paid therapists at the clinic, my boss at the time struggled to figure out a structure that would pay us all a fair livable amount for the work we actually did. I, as well as others, ended up deciding to head in a different direction. My direction led me to starting my own private practice, and this last year I finally fully transitioned to working for myself and owning my own LLC. I couldn’t be happier in this decision and the financial stability it looks like it will bring in the future!

During these years, I also deep dove into my own therapy process, and really worked through healing the nuances of my childhood and how these experiences played out in my life. I became much more sure of what I wanted in my life, and how to move towards it. I became a more confident, assertive, and healed version of myself. I continued to stick with the value system and mantra of my teenage years, but became much more confident I could give it, and that I wanted to give it to a child. AND I also caught baby fever!

Baby fever…if you’ve felt it, you know the burn. It started right around 28 years old, and continued to build into this last year. This building desire, as well as sorting through some early dating hiccups, and now finally dating a man who I could genuinely see possibly having children with, led me into taking a friend’s advice to test my hormones. I am a 35 year old woman, and while my gynecologist told me I could wait until 36 or 37 to take drastic measures if I was not trying with a partner by then, I wanted to be sure.

When the tests came back, I was hit with a wave of shock; my AMH was extremely low. An AMH of 0.2 to be exact. This reality check led to panic mixed with a wave of grief. Grief that maybe what I had worked so hard for, and dreamed of, had passed it’s time limit. The sadness of the prospect still comes in waves and hits low in my gut in a way I cannot fully describe, but the closest description is sheer panic and a deep well of sadness. I have worked with so many children and families, and couples building families. I have helped hundreds of individuals and families build healthier relationships for the future of themselves and their children-to move through trauma and hurt and pasts like mine and finally have that healthy “dream come true” for themselves. The idea that I have to completely retire this dream for myself hits such a deep emotional space that it rocks me-almost daily.

However, because I have always been one to fight back rather than accept failure or a status quo, I started searching. I have private insurance with my business that does not cover any services, let alone fertility services. I consulted with a fertility clinic, and had my uterus and ovaries tested. The doctor stated that I was healthy, but the out-of-pocket cost of egg freezing for myself was insurmountable with starting my own practice in the last year. I also knew that while I was dating a man that might lead to a healthy family situation this time (thank goodness!), I needed to keep building my own financial stability, home structure, and support structure, in case having a child was going to be a solo mission!

This drive and search is what led me here. I do believe I am in a place to be a loving and good mother, and I do believe I have found the “right person”, but I do also know we need more time, and a year or two would make a big difference both financially and structurally. Time that my body does not have to give unfortunately, if I do not act now!

I am sure there are so many others out there who are deserving of help for this exact same issue. I would never wish to take away from another woman’s ability to have a child, as I know how painful this unrequited desire is. However, if my story and desire does strike a cord, I do know I would forever be grateful for this opportunity and any gift in any amount.

In the scope of my life and my dreams, it would mean more than I could ever articulate. The ability to live out not just giving other children the ability to grow up “happy and healthy” but also giving my OWN future child a “happy and healthy” home, is all I’ve ever wanted and worked for. I so appreciate your consideration!