It takes a village
It takes a village
0Days to go
Jen Mcbain is organizing this fundraiser.
Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t easily ask for help. It took me a few months to arrive at this point where i am, making a go fund me for myself (Jen) and my other half Dave.
Dave and I met 7 yrs. ago on an online dating site. There was definitely an attraction, we went on a few dates but our lives were in different places. Im 37 currently and Dave is 31 making us 6 years apart. We remained good friends while dating other people. After 3 years we both happened to be single at the same time and both realized what we were looking for was right in front of us, each other.
Four months into our relationship I found out I was pregnant, we were ecstatic. Dave has a 10 year old son from a previous relationship and I have a 4 year old daughter along with a 11 year old son from a previous relationship. Us being pregnant would complete our family and bring our kids together.
Unfortunately when I went to my 12 week ultrasound I was told there was no heartbeat. We were broken in shock felt almost like time was standing still. The missing piece to our puzzle was gone.
Later that night I got a call from my doctor confirming the baby had passed and seemed to of passed at 11 weeks. When the thought hit me I’ve been carrying my deceased baby inside me for a week I broke down in despair again and asked so now what? That’s when I was told I would have to wait to see if I start to naturally miscarry. For the next 4 days I did nothing but cry Dave was broken and seeing me so hurt was killing him even more.
On day 5 I said I cant do this anymore I need this baby out. The idea that it was inside me no longer alive was making me sick. so we went to the hospital to request a DNC. For those of you who don’t know what that is in short form I was put to sleep and the baby was vacuumed out of me.
The following month Dave proposed to me telling me nothing would ever split us up, and how the experience made him love me even more ( I obviously said yes).
after about 6 months we started trying again to get pregnant. Another 6 months went by and this one month my period wasn’t ending 2 weeks in I called the doctor who sends me for a blood test. 2 days later I get a call telling me I’m pregnant!! But…my HCG level the pregnancy hormone was lower then it should be. Since I have previously had a missed miscarriage I was high risk and still bleeding. My doctor asked that I have an ultrasound. I was At the ultrasound and the tech kept looking at the screen oddly and at least twice asked “how far along are you”?. Before leaving I was told by the tech she couldn’t find the baby or a sac and maybe it was just not visible yet.
The following day I received a call from my doctor letting my know I was in fact pregnant but my HCG levels were low and the tech couldn’t find anything. This was concerning. Baby Could be hiding or could be an ectopic pregnancy.
An ectopic pregnancy is when the egg implants it self in the fallopian tube or implants outside of the womb. I was then told to go for another blood test in another 24hrs to see if my levels were doubling as they should be. Again I go for a blood test and again I’m called with the same news my levels aren’t doubling. I was then referred to the credit valley hospital. Over the next 2 weeks i was at the hospital every 2 days getting my blood taken and doing ultrasounds. They couldn’t find our baby anywhere, until finally on my 10th visit they found our baby. Took 3 technicians that day. I sat there not know what was going on, Dave was not able to come with me that day. The doctor called me in and I anxiously asked is the baby ok?, I cant loose another one! The doctor said I’m sorry but its an ectopic pregnancy. My heart sank I knew what this meant and the tears just started poring down. She said you have two choices we go in and remove the tube the embryo is in or we can give you two needles in your butt to terminate the pregnancy.
I had no idea what to do. If I have my tube cut out its going to be much harder to get pregnant and we wanted this so bad. So I decide I would take the needles. I’m told I will come back in 3 days to check that I’ve gotten my period and that the needles are working. I was also told if for any reason I start to get intense cramping get to the hospital asap. I’m leaving the hospital, walking to my car tears flowing as I call Dave to let him know what’s happening. You can hear the worry the panic, I know he wanted to cry out baby please tell me your ok, tell me our baby is ok. Once I told him he said do you want me to come to you? I thought no I just want to go home cry and sleep, so I tell him ill be fine don’t worry. I’m about to reach the highway fighting back tears trying to keep it together when I start to have a panic attack. I’m feeling like my throat is closing and I cant seem to get a deep breath. I start going back and forth in my head. Jen your ok remember to focus on your breathing. Deep breath in deep breath out. Then the other voice says those needles were long and they hurt. I just took needles to kill me child. I had no option, I did what I had to do to save my life and make it so we can try again. I’m reaching the exit to go towards my house but at this point my whole body feels numb. My teeth feel asleep, my arms are stiffening and my fingers are curling in. I’m thinking I’m about to pass out. I pull over on the off ramp and call 911. I cant punch the numbers my fingers are stiff and my vision is going blurry. I’m starting to think I must be allergic to whatever was in those needles and I’m about to die. I take a deep breath and finally in probably 15 seconds but felt like 3mins I get the number in and its ringing. Now I’m panicking thinking my jaw is stiff as a rock how am I going to talk and Just as the operator says 911 fire police or ambulance?, a street cleaning truck reverses into my van. I look up and scream in shock. I start to have a bit of movement in my hands and as I’m explaining to the operator what’s going on I’m slowly starting to feel fine. The ambulance arrives and I get off the phone so they can examine me. Then I hear Dave yelling that’s my wife that’s my wife is she ok? Even though I had told him not to worry about me, he couldn’t stay at work knowing I was going through everything alone. He happened to be rushing home when he saw my vehicle with cops and an ambulance. Ems told me I had gone into cardiac arrest from shock of what I was going through. I told them I felt fine and went home to rest.
The next day no period and feeling very depressed. Another day goes by. At this point is been about 60hrs since I received the needles and I wake up in the middle of the night with what I think is bad bowel cramps. At that time I quietly go to the bathroom attached to our bedroom to go to the washroom. I have IBS so its not unusual for me to have sever cramping when I have to go to the washroom. I use the facilities and at this point I would usually start to feel the pain easing up, but it was still very intense. I’m sweating and feel weak so I crawl back to the room to wake Dave. After a few tries he comes to and comes to the bathroom I tell him somethings really wrong and to call 911.
I get to the hospital by ambulance and once there I’m trying to explain what’s going on with me but I’m in and out of consciousness, so Dave takes over. I don’t remember much other then the doctor doing an on the spot ultrasound and then a lot of yelling. Nurses running around me Dave’s crying I’m trying to tell him I’m going to be ok. Dave looks at the ER doctor and says should I call her parents? That’s when I chuckle and say its not like I’m dyeing. The doctor looked at Dave eyes wide and said call her parents. The next thing I remember is another doctor putting on scrubs, gloves that went up to his elbows and yelling to the nurses as they ran with my stretcher down the hall “hurry were going to loose her”. The next day I awake to a nurse hooking my iv up to a bag of blood for a transfusion. At that time I’m told I nearly died. The needles didn’t work so the baby continued growing causing my fallopian tube to burst, resulting in internal bleeding. I had lost just under 5pints of blood and had 5 blood transfusions so far. I also found out when I had arrived at the hospital in the middle of the night there was no doctor there to preform my surgery. To this day I don’t know the name of the man who saved my life, but that man was at home asleep when he got the call to come to my aid. I did meet him when he came to apologize about the scar I had across my stomach. He said I had seconds to save your life so I had to just slice you open and get in there. Unfortunately this is going to be a rough recovery.
Now after loosing two babies Dave was feeling defeated, he wanted to lay the baby idea to rest as he felt traumatized from almost loosing me. He said loosing you isn’t worth having a kid. Over the next 6 months him and I would talk about the baby issue on and off and I reassured him the same thing wont happen. We know what to look for. I will be watched closely by doctors. That’s when we continued our journey, but 11 months in and nothing no pregnancy. I’m thinking its probably because I only have one tube and we should seek a fertility specialist. So that’s what we did.
The first month I was with the clinic I got pregnant. We were so excited this was finally going to happen for us, but again my HCG levels weren’t doubling. I go for blood tests every other day to check my levels and their not rising right. The doctor cant find the baby and believes its ectopic. We were devastated once again. I was asked to take the needles to terminate but I refused. After nearly loosing my life I wasn’t taking that chance again. I asked if the doctor could open me up, and if the baby is in the tube to remove the tube if the baby is fine then close me up and pregnancy continues. My doctor agreed. Needless to say when I awoke I was informed the baby was in my tube, the tube was starting to break open and the tube was removed. I felt so lost my ability to have a baby naturally was gone.
That’s when I was added to the funded IVF cycle. I waited 7 months for my name to get to the top of the list. That’s when the daily needles started and several other medications. No medications were covered so we spent about $6000 out of pocket. I had 14 eggs retrieved 10 fertilized and by day 6 4 were frozen. Then I had to prepare my body for transfer, more needles, $1000s more spent. It worked I got pregnant on the first round but…. once again my HCG isn’t doubling, so again I’m worrying about ectopic pregnancy. Every other day blood tests constant bad results. I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks and the baby was in the right place, but baby is measuring 5 weeks 2 days gestation, so I was told to repeat the ultrasound in a week. During this time frame I’m still taking needles, suppositories, pill medications 10 times a day, more money we don’t have. My second ultrasound comes and baby has barely grown. Baby is measuring 5 weeks 6 days now and I’m 7 weeks 2 days. My doctor takes me into his office and tells me there’s something wrong with the baby and we need to terminate the pregnancy 😩. I’ve never been so devastated in my life. What did I do in my past lives to deserve all of this let down. Everything I’ve been going through, all the pain, discomfort, loss of money, not working because I’m at the doctors every other day. It was all for nothing. I cried till my face was swollen.
I’m told I have 3 embryos left and the transfer is covered but once again the meds are not. Somehow we need to come up with about $5000 more to pay for meds for the second transfer. I hate asking for handouts, its not me but at this point I’m desperate. I’m trying to think of ways I can make this money pretty much overnight. Donations can be made to this fundraiser.
Even a $1 helps but
If you cant financially help please don’t feel obligated having us in your heart and praying we get our rainbow baby is just as appreciated.