03-28-2023

Consultation and Fundraising update!

Here is our update after our consultation last week: It went well and we are pleased with our doctor. We will need new baseline testing for both of us as it's been well over 5 years since we've had anything done. So now we wait for cycle day 1 to begin testing.
I am so excited to update you all on our fundraising! (we have combined several platforms so it won't always be reflected in our bar graph here)
Our t-shirt campaign went very well and we raised $413!
If you would still like to purchase one of these limited edition shirts you can Here: www.bonfire.com/loper-snowflake-baby/ until May 1st.
Combining that with other donations (including one from the IRS) we've raised $2,275!

Thank you all so much for the support!
Be on the lookout for upcoming merch and more opportunities to support in the next week.
Also please share our link and our story wherever you can!

03-28-2023

Phase 1: Testing

Todays update is very exciting but we need your help!
I’m completing my initial testing today with a special sonogram to check the health of my uterus for carrying our precious little one. I’ve already completed my bloodwork and we will follow up with our doctor soon.
It’s exciting because we will know more about our timeline based on my results which gets us one step closer to our little one!

We need your help because our amazing fundraising has paid for our testing, but without more help we cannot continue any further in our journey.
Any help you can give is wonderful! Thank you for the prayers and support!

For more ways to support us check out our page on Social media!

09-19-2023

Testing Results and Post-op update

Huzzah for good news! Pathology came back normal from my polyp removal surgery and my cycle seems to be back to fairly normal. My Doctor said everything looks very healthy and there shouldn't be any issues with scarring or damage. YAY! Now we just need to get this funding going so that we can move forward with our embryo adoption.

Thank you for all the support!

09-19-2023

Our Infertility Story: Part 1

It has been a long journey for us but I realized I have never fully shared the highs and lows. Some people have been with us on this rollercoaster from the beginning and know these details. Some of these details I've never really been able to share because I couldn't face them. So this is me being brave and facing the whole story so that I can share it with you.

Our Infertility Story

September 2011 we made the prayer-filled decision to try to start a family. We’d only been married 4 months but we both knew we wanted a family and had no desire to wait. The first 4 months were confusing and had a lot of roller-coaster emotions. In December I felt something was wrong because of the way my cycle was presented. I’d never struggled with painful periods or missing work for that reason. The doctor assured me that it was “Just a hiccup” and that we could keep trying. In April of 2012 she put me back on birth control for 3 months because the pain was getting worse as were my mood swings. During that time we moved states and said goodbye to a whole chapter of our life. In June I had a lot of hope and felt that I might be pregnant. My body changed shape and I was absolutely convinced. But, 3 tests after my expected period all said negative and were followed by aunt flo. I was crushed. We were too poor to seek additional help so we just kept trying and being disappointed. In late September we’d been trying for a year which qualified us to see a specialist through our insurance. The diagnosis and medication journey lasted through to December 2013. I switched doctors because of feeling like we were not getting real answers. The 2nd doctor I saw was more active but I later realized was extremely biased towards me and my diagnosis. He was convinced I needed to lose a significant amount of weight and be on a certain medication that made me feel terrible. I tried my best but continued to spiral deeper and deeper into depression as treatments, doctor visits, painful periods, and bills added up. During that spiral, I slowly lost my community. We asked for prayer constantly and I struggled with going to church because of the despair I felt. When I did go I was asked when we were having kids or when I was Due. Once our story was more public it was often suggested I volunteer in the children’s ministry to “tide me over”. I explained that it was too painful and I didn’t want to be unkind to the children or their parents if I was having a bad day. One Sunday when I went forward to pray with the elders' wives one of them prayed over me “Lord help kayla be strong. Help her not let the devil get a foothold” At that moment I felt like I’d been sliced in two pieces. These women I’d loved and shared my pain with accused me of being the cause of my suffering. I couldn’t stomach it. I spoke to them directly and they apologized for how it came across but the damage had already been done. We slowly left that church out of pain and hurt. We got a few calls or texts to see where we were but I believe that the congregation knew why we left and were ok with it. It still breaks my heart.

09-19-2023

Our Infertility Story: Part 2

In May of 2015 we made the decision to move across the country for better jobs. The market where we were was slowly grinding to a halt and we were barely surviving. For a year we focused on jobs and stayed with my family to try and get our feet under us. Cost of living kept going up and our family's growing efforts were still unsuccessful. After a LOT of hard conversations, we decided to become foster parents in early 2016 (Leap Day in fact which I felt was always special). By May we’d finished our training and in June 2016 we were placed with 4-year-old twins. We dove straight into the deep end of parenting and trauma with those sweethearts. I miss them daily but I’m so grateful they were able to be reunited with their family. We took a break for a month and decided to try infertility treatments again. During March of 2017 we met with our RE specialist and did all the baseline tests to determine our eligibility and treatment plan. Dr Greenhouse was so kind and compassionate. He guided us through the early stages and answered many questions that I’d had from previous cycles. It was a breath of relief to have someone understand how stressful the process is and to show kindness. On March 31st 2017 I attended a digital prayer service for Healing with Keith and Sanna Luker (my Uncle and Aunt in full-time ministry) who prayed for healing and for a child. 3 Days later on April 2nd Nelson was born. The next Friday we got a call for an infant entering care but they weren't sure if family was going to come to care for him. We understood and we told the worker that we were prepared for however this would go. We waited by the phone every day. 4 days later we heard that the family had come and he would be placed with a temporary foster home until he could be flown out of state. I grieved as best I could. I have a friend who prayed with me and truly believed that he belonged with us. The whole week I prayed to let it go and trust what was happening, trying to trust that God was going to protect him no matter what that looked like. It was Easter Sunday when I finally felt at peace with whatever direction we were headed next. Then on April 25th we got the call that things were not all ready for him and he does need a family. They warned us multiple times that the direction of the case was very unsettled and they did not know what it was going to look like. We told them this is what we were trained for and we'd rather be ready than not spend time and disrupt him later on. 2 days later he was in my arms. From the moment he was in my arms I knew. I knew the hospital staff who took care of him because he was born in one of the hospitals I worked in and spent his nicu days in the other. I knew the nurses by name and I knew he'd received the best care and love while he was in the hospital. We found out that the other foster family was not as temporary as we’d been told. The shady underhanded methods of why he was taken from the other foster family still bothers me as it feels very racially prejudiced but I confess we benefited from whatever it was. I still don’t know how to make that right. We tried to stay connected to his first foster mother but it got painful and she stopped responding. I still pray for their family and I hope they were able to have a child placed with them, but I know you cannot replace that kind of loss.
After Nelson was placed with us People talked about how we were changing his life but he was changing ours. The twins did make me a mommy in their love, energy, and the care I poured out for them. Nelson healed a deep longing, softened my bitterness, and more. Within his miraculous self, it was not all rainbows and sunny days. His case was also extremely difficult. Due to his prenatal and birth trauma he was colicky and barely slept most of the time, lots of screaming daily, and lots of poop. At 3 months he had to have a significant surgery. By 6 months he’d dropped one of his naps and still didn’t sleep through the night. The difficulties we had to face so early on helped me learn what I could and would be willing to do as a mom. it broke down the walls I didn't know I was carrying about things I didn't believe I could ever handle. It also began to create compassion for the struggles addicted mothers go through for their kids and how sometimes it is not a lack of love but a lack of ability and resources that keeps them in their patterns. His first month with us was so fast and was very full of celebration. Within a week we got to speak to his grandfather and received a blessing and a prayer. While we were fostering Nelson we also continued infertility treatments. It was scary to think we might have 2 under the age of 1 but we'd begun the process already and didn't want to delay unnecessarily. I had to take Nelson to a few appointments because of child care issues. This made things uncomfortable a few times because the clinic did not want to have children around. Over and over our doctor, Dr Steven Greenhouse was very supportive and kind but the stress of the actual process would interfere with medication timing. We skipped 3 cycles due to poor time of ovulation in 6 months. In November we had another life turn over when my grandmother passed away completely unexpectedly. That grief was so hard because they had already booked tickets to visit at Christmas so they could meet Nelson. I still miss her and most of our family got to meet him at her funeral. Bittersweet times. However, life doesn't stop for grief. In December 2017 we tried IUI with Dr Greenhouse. The first round felt optimistic about the actual chances but I didn't feel it take the first time. (Many in the TTC and infertility community talk about how there is something different, that you feel completely changed when the miracle finally takes) The second time he felt our chances were lower but I felt that it might have worked and for 2 weeks I clung to that hope. The HCG in both cases was too low to include as a positive. I still don't know if that means I was pregnant but miscarried or not. Either way, we were not expecting another baby. In Jan 2018 we gave up hope a little and felt very frustrated with the process. Then Dr Greenhouse asked if we had considered IVF. We had but it wasn't covered under our insurance. When their clinical team checked for coverage they said it was available. It felt like hope came rolling in suddenly. Then after an initial consultation insurance rejected the claim and we would not be able to move forward. This was devastating. We told Dr Greenhouse that we would need to consider how to move on from here as we weren't in a financial position to pay for IVF at the time. He informed us of some of the grant programs and we started researching those. Life decided to strike again in May of 2018 when we had a house fire that started right above Nelson's nursery after the house was struck by lightning. We all made it out safely but we had to move out for a full year while they renovated our home. We told Dr Greenhouse that we would need time to adjust after the trauma and he said that we could regroup after his vacation at the end of July 2018. Sadly he never returned from vacation. He was killed in a jet ski accident. A friend of mine who was also his patient informed me and when I called the clinic staff to set an appointment (before this friend had spoken to me) they were irate and thought I was playing a cruel joke on them. I had no clue what had happened and never was informed by the staff. A month later there was a press release from the clinic but by then I already found out about his passing from my friend and fellow patient. I didn't know how to move forward without Dr. Greenhouse. He'd been the person we could ask anything, the person who kept us going. I'd searched for so long to find a doctor who was not dismissive of our situation as a couple because of our size and our living situation. and he was just…gone. Nelson was still in foster care at this point so we decided to pursue more foster care support roles just to figure out what to do with ourselves.

09-19-2023

Our Infertility Story: Part 3

Through the rest of 2018 we focused on being a support to foster families doing respite care and mentorship. During that time, one of the teens we mentored became like family to us. We are still in contact with him and consider him our Oldest. In 2019 we started the discussion of fertility treatment again but decided against it because Nelson was going through a rigorous diagnostic process at the time and we were exhausted. Then 2020 came. We were waiting for the finalization of Nelson's adoption when the world shut down. We didnt know what to think of the future or who would be able to answer any questions we had. We waited like the rest of the world to see what would happen. We also knew we could not stay in Virginia any longer. Tension and frustration had seeped into every area of our lives and we knew we needed something different. We began planning to move as soon as Nelson's adoption was finalized, though we didnt have any clear date on when that would be. Finally, we got the call on May 22nd of 2020 and rejoiced that the child we had loved since he was 2 days old was legally our son forever. Immediately we sprung plans into action for moving to Colorado as my dad received a job offer here. There was more stress, heartache, tears, and trials during that moving process but arriving in July of 2020 gave us the fresh start we needed. The world was still shut down but we were able to move forward with our family plans. We saved for a few months then contacted CNY fertility in Colorado springs (which was the closest and most affordable clinic) at the end of 2020. Our initial consultation was cold and unfriendly. Very clinical and were called by a doctor in Georgia who knew almost nothing about our case. I didnt feel comfortable with moving forward with that clinic because of my initial impressions and we were hoping to do donor embryo/embryo adoption and their waitlist was more than 3 years long. Again disheartened I decided to give up. I began pursuing career moves and trying to find fulfillment in our family and outside in my work. We loved our nephew (born in 2020) and were able to forge good memories but several toxic jobs and another move to Denver brought us here. In Jan 2023 my husband was suddenly and unexpectedly hospitalized due to heart failure post covid. When he had covid he was on O2 for 3 months and had to recover slowly. Then through the year, his heart stopped functioning properly. While we were in the hospital waiting for answers I begged for more time to have with him, and I also immediately knew that my family was not complete. That I wanted to bring a child into the world through my body and get to hand them to my husband and watch him melt all over again. I knew that we had to get answers quickly. We did some immediate fundraising and got some amazing support from family and friends. We had our initial consultation in march and I have more hope than every other time we've pursued treatment. We need financial support at this point and whether that comes from a charitable organization, hard work, gifts from friends and family, or through a corporation or bank we will not give up again. Until I have either exhausted all my resources or I have a Baby in my arms to give my sons a little sibling I will keep pushing forward. Thank you to everyone who has already supported us and to those who will. Thank you for being part of our Journey.

10-27-2023

Exciting News!

We are so Honored to share with everyone that we have received a grant from the Tinina Q Cade Foundation! We are honored to be part of their amazing community and work along side them to spread awareness about infertility and adoption options for families. As part of the process I'll be attending the benefit gala on November 11th and getting to meet the other Grantees that morning.
The grant will help us get closer to our goals and because we are part of their community we will receive discounted services through our clinic!

I've updated our overall goal to reflect receiving that grant.

We are so eternally grateful to everyone who is helping us grow our family!

09-17-2024

At Last we see the light

Last week I posted on my personal social media that we had passed the 13th anniversary of trying to grow our family. 13 years of hope and despair and fighting. All week leading up to August 22nd I saw and heard the message "Don't give up" in songs, stories, tv shows, and even advertisements around me over and over again.
On National Rainbow Baby Day (the 22nd) a storm hovered over our area and then, as I arrived home, a Gorgeous FULL rainbow appeared over our house. That night I had to go to the store for a quick errand and right next to the ONE item I needed was a mug with a Rainbow and the word "MAMA". The mug was not in the right place on the shelf and when I looked to put it back, it was the last one in the store. I felt the little nudges all coming together at that moment to remind me why I was still fighting. The 13th anniversary was heavy, but those little lights, those winks that were meant just for me helped me pick up my heavy heart and keep going.

This past week, after sharing my heaviness with my friends and loved ones, the generosity has poured out and I could not be more grateful. I am absolutely speechless as I see the numbers reach a level that means we are so close to our goals! It means our hopes are just around the corner!
It is with absolute joy that I can say we are just $5,000 away from beginning the next step in our treatment and $10,500 away from our overall goal!
If 100 people could donate $50 we could move forward with treatment!
If 210 donated we would be fully funded!!

Every donation over a certain amount also gives us 125 entries into the drawing for $25,000 grant happening on Oct 1st. If we were to win that grant we would use any funds necessary for treatment as well as paying any medical debts from the pregnancy and birth. Any left over funds from the donations we've received would go into savings for our littles.