Campaign Story

Hello!

We are Ben and Carlye – We have been on our journey to parenthood for 8 years with added love and an extra helping heart of our Gestational Carrier and her family.

We’ve decided that after 8, it is our time to share our story with the world and to help bring more awareness of infertility and less traditional pregnancies to light.

I (Carlye) was born in 1991 with a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) – Tricuspid Atresia. Since then, I have had 5 open heart surgeries: Main pulmonary artery banding (1991), Bidirectional Glenn (1993), Fenestrated lateral tunnel Fontan procedure (1996), epicardial dual-chamber pacemaker for sinus node dysfunction (2011), and a Cardiac ablation (2015). Due to my CHD, we set out to find a Gestational Carrier help us fulfill our dream to become parents. We are so thankful that we found our Earth-Side Angel in 2019. Since then, we have done 3 egg retrievals which has yielded in 16 eggs retrieved with 1 Euploid (Normal/Healthy) Embryo.

Our first Carrier was a rockstar. She’s attended all necessary appointments, went  through a number of blood draws and ultrasounds, and did 45 days of medication leading up to our first transfer. Our Transfer date was set for Thursday, October 20th, 2022; everything went *perfectly* and then we did everything we could to pass the time of the dread 9 day wait. On October 29th, 2022 our Carrier went in for her BETA blood draw and we got the news that we were pregnant with an HCG level of 92.5. The excitement we felt that day was through the roof and a feeling that we will never forget. It was so heartwarming and blissful; we felt on top of the world. 48 hours later our Carrier went in for the second HCG draw, unfortunately, results came back at 115. That was the day we felt our world fall down around us. Immediately, we could feel that joy wash away. Our one chance at a baby was over faster than we ever could’ve imagined.

We then went on to do another Egg retrieval in May of 2022 where we were blessed with one more Euploid Embryo. We went on to do another transfer to our then Carrier on July 11th, 2022. On August 14th, 2022 we went in for our first ultrasound, and there he was – our perfect boy with strong heartbeat. We were SO IN LOVE and living in pure bliss. I (Carlye) continued to drive to Saint Cloud, MN on a bi-weekly/monthly basis to attend all appointments possible and to spend time with our Carrier, her family, and our sweet boy.

Ben and I took weekly photos with the fruit or vegetable as our boy continued to grow, while our Carrier started taking bump photos and telling us about being able to start to feel him move. Ben and I tried to stay busy in our daily life with work, moving to Ben’s Grandparent’s home, and building our new store.

I (Carlye) went and got a second job at Tractor Supply Co. (TSC) as they were offering IVF insurance to part-time workers. It was a fun job and ultimately helping us build our dreams further. While working at TSC we started to prep for another Egg Retrieval, as TSC announced they were planning to change their IVF insurance / gradually phase it out and no longer offer the benefits.

We started to decorate the nursery, buy clothes, and pick out names.

We decided that with our Carrier 1/2 way through the pregnancy, we would go down to Saint Cloud for the 20 week anatomy scan and then 4 days later have our 4th Egg Retrieval.

When right in the middle of what we thought was an ordinary day… we found out at our 20 week anatomy scan that our son no longer had a heartbeat. Right there, in that moment, we had never felt a heartbreak like we did that day. We were heartbroken, shocked, lost, and confused just to name a few.

Since I had already started the STIM medication for our egg retrieval, we had to continue or else we were going to lose our benefits. We had 10 eggs retrieved and then on 11/27/23, the day our sweet CJ Thostenson Hoefs was born, we found out that we had ONE Euploid Embryo ready for transfer whenever the time was right again.

After our son was born and some of the “dust” had settled, we decided it was best to part ways with our Carrier. Her body had been through so much and she has a family of her own, we felt like we had all done everything we could have done.

What now? How could we move on? What more could we do?

Our hearts were shattered and we didn’t really know what more we could do in that moment. Ben and I went on to focus on our careers, our home, and fill everyday with love and honor our sweet CJ.

May 13, 2024, we planted a tree in our yard to honor him. He is loved immensely and will be forever missed.

So, there we were, with one Euploid Embryo ready for transfer, and yet, we weren’t sure who we could ask to help give us this lifelong dream of ours, children. After all the money we had spent to get to that point, we were burnt out, and heartbroken that we’ll never get to hold our son Earth side.

Then, to our surprise, in June (2024) we found out that I was pregnant! We couldn’t believe it!! Ultimately, we told our families and celebrated. At 9 weeks, we, again, were told that our baby no longer had a heartbeat and I went on to have a D&C. We decided that after I recovered from the D&C, we were going to go back to the “drawing board” with our team of doctors to see what our options were moving forward. We had the hopes that my Cardiology Team at Mayo Clinic would give us the “Approval” to do an embryo transfer to me. However, and very unfortunate, we found out that due to the D&C procedure, I now have an AVM (Arteriovenous Malformation) and now, pregnancy is an absolute NO.

I decided to make a small post on Instagram, seeing if there was anyone out there who felt like it was something on their heart to want to be part of our journey and carry for us. To my surprise – a friend of ours reached out! We began to talk, plan, and all the things that were related to IVF/Transfer/Gestational Carrier steps. She immediately agreed and we couldn’t be more HAPPY!!!

So, now, here we are, 8 years later, ready to transfer our Embryo! But, with that comes large medical and legal bills.

Knowing that joy and pure love that we felt on transfer day’s and after – we are dreaming of feeling those feelings again. Unfortunately, IVF, pregnancy with a Gestational Carrier, gaining legal documents, and other Infertility treatments are still “so new” in our society  and to insurance companies (so they say). There is limited information, limited services, and insurance companies like to claim that “it’s your choice.” More than anything, we are choosing to share our story to help change the stigma of infertility, fighting for our future, and to anyone else going through a similar journey.

In addition to my CHD, I have “Diminished Ovarian Reserve” The definition for Diminished Ovarian Reserve states “Diminished ovarian reserve is the loss of normal reproductive potential in the ovaries due to a lower count or quality of the remaining eggs.

Normal aging causes most cases of diminished ovarian reserve but genetic defects, aggressive medical treatments that harm the reproductive system (radiation for cancer), some surgeries and injury can cause DOR as well. In many cases there is no apparent cause for a relative decrease in ovarian reserve.” (fertility.womenandinfants.org)

We are excited to try again to see if we can get closer to our dreams of being parents. If you are looking to donate, or share our story please know that we are forever grateful for you. If you wish to follow our journey on TikTok, please feel free to find me @hopeful_hearts_IVF

“Sometimes when making something so precious and beautiful, it takes an extra helping heart”

With Love,

Ben and Carlye