Campaign Story

Hello I’m Leslie (M32) and my partner Alazel (M25), we decided years ago, we wanted to have a child. Excited, I immediately started looking up ways to get the process started. After tons of research we decided to start independently with building our family but one of the hardest thing to do, was to ask family if they could carry our child for us. He has 2 sisters (34) and (36), and I have 2 sisters as well (28) and (38). We’ve been together almost 5 years today.
So let’s rewind a bit, after being together for a little over a year we went to visit his youngest sister (34). We always have a really good time. There was a moment when she was telling my partner how proud of him she was and how much she loved him. Then all of a sudden she said( when you’re ready to have a baby I’d carry him/her for you guys, I just love you guys relationship and I think you would make great parents). Up to that point we hadn’t really discussed children because I just ignorantly thought as a gay man we wasn’t going to have children, the conversation just never really came up. I guess because we both are ambitious and was focused on our careers (which I love about him).
Rewind further back when I was younger I tried having a baby with a girl, I was very close friends with and she couldn’t get pregnant. It was extremely difficult, the timing of sex, the awkward positions, and let’s not talk about the miscarriages. Yes, it was kinda rough. We later found out she had health issues that prevented her from getting pregnant at the time. After this, we didn’t remain friends because of the terrible experiences. She would look at me and just cry out, sometimes getting angry. We both wanted children and we thought we could build a family together. She was such a great friend.
So back to the story, his sister 34 ( then asked if we wanted children, my partner said probably later in life, however I didn’t know how to respond. On the road home (6hour drive) I opened dialogue about children. I told him about my past experiences and how I felt like it was kinda traumatic. So the thought of having a child wasn’t clear. Later that week I was bombarded with baby ideas. There seemed to be babies everywhere. Going to Walmart I found myself in the baby section. I think I was having baby fever. I got so excited with the idea of a family, thinking could this like really happen?… so we talked about it and he said yes, we could start a family in a little over a year giving us time to save because it could be expensive having a child. So at this point we call his sister (34) to let her know we wanted to do it in the next two years. She agreed and seemed excited.
After a year and a half pass we had saved around $25,000. Which took a lot of time, we had to sacrifice a lot, work overtime, commute to work together, stopped eating out, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped going on trips, just to save. We were serious. We called her excited because we had saved and put in the time but she wasn’t ready. We had spoken over the past year, numerous times about her being our surrogate. But she said she wasn’t ready, I knew she had gotten cold feet. I didn’t want to press the issue because if she felt like that now, I wouldn’t want it to be like I pressured her, leaving her to later have regrets. I was so upset though. It really felt like a stinger. It took me awhile to recover. (Btw she did later get pregnant, her 5th child with her husband, that she didn’t tell us about because she knew it would probably hurt us, which didn’t because it seemed like God had other plans and we were excited for them.)
So we moved on to my younger sister(27). Whom we later experienced the somewhat of the same thing. Within 3months she said she’d thought about it and she was afraid of getting attached. We both understand. (She too later got pregnant with her 2nd child)
Both of our oldest sister had very high risk pregnancies in the past. They both had to get blood transfusions. So we kinda knew asking them was out of the question but we asked anyway. They both were afraid of undergoing another pregnancy.
We also signed up for an agency in 2020 that help support men becoming fathers, offering discounts on surrogacy but we didn’t have enough saved, in order to be approved the first year. We needed around more than $70,000 because going through an agency for gay men or infertile heterosexual couples could range from $120-$160,000. And we just don’t have it. However, they did help us come up with a budget plan and told us we could re-apply the following year (2021). Which we did but the process takes upwards to a year before we know if we are approved or denied.
Within this time we also reached out on Facebook and independent surrogate websites but ran into multiple scams. Which I didn’t know was something people would do to someone trying to have a child. Woman who just wanted the money or needed a place to stay. We were gullible and naïve, so some of the scams we did fall for but now I look back and realize it was all apart of the journey.
After some time a family friend reached out to us saying she’d heard of the troubles we’d experienced and wanted to carry our child for us. We was excited because now we have someone who wants to do this for us, who had done research and knows a little of the struggles but mostly someone we could trust. After months of gathering legal documents and doctor appointments, we were ready. So the plan was to start with at home insemination and if it didn’t work we’d try Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and or Vitro Fertilization (IVF).
Starting the journey, after years of trying and saving, it seemed like our dreams were finally coming true but after a few months she stopped coming to the appointments. Always having an excuse or something happening that prevented her from coming. It sucked. Then she messaged us randomly saying the doctor told her she needed to lose weight. I knew then it was over. We both cried and cried some more, but by this point it felt like a hopeless dream.
So here we are now after years of trying independently, hoping and wishing for a miracle. Children are the future just as we were. I believe we are our four fathers and what are we doing if we aren’t building a legacy?. I know there are people who probably don’t want children but I feel differently, I wouldn’t want my gifts and talents to die with just me. It took millions of people to create me and for that I feel the need and desire to instill that same love and courage into my children. Even though it’s been a long journey to fatherhood I’m grateful to be alive and still have the ability to chase my dreams. I don’t know why I wanted to write this but I felt the need to share.
Please don’t give up on your dreams no matter how hard it seems. Nothing is impossible. People can or will try to discourage you because it may not be what they envision for you but if you have a burning desire don’t let the flame burn out. Keep your head up because you never know whose watching you and or who’s inspired by your journey. We haven’t made it to fatherhood yet but I’m not going to give up on the dream.
Thank you for reading.